Too Old For a Crush? Why You Should Try a "Curiosity" Instead

I haven’t had a proper crush in years. The butterflies I’d enjoy as a teenager all the way into my twenties had been a thing of the past. Blame it on a couple heartbreaks or the fear of backsliding during my healing journey, that joy turned into panic.

But like they say, “time and “doing the work” heals all wounds and I had found myself on the happier side of that healing journey. And on the happier side, I encountered those same butterflies again, but this time it was…different. 

Rather than swooning over a guy’s eyes, I was more curious about his perspective on life and how he lived it.

I recently read the book, Love Magnet by Morgan Anderson, that opened my eyes to the concept of crushes actually being “curiosities.” And I hadn’t thought of that. There’s so much stress bundled with love and dating nowadays that I honestly didn’t think to really understand a crush or curiosity for what it really was.

Call it maturing or whatever but earlier “crushes” I’ve had in my twenties were mostly carnal (don’t judge me, I’m an Aries Venus LOL). And I lived and I learned for sure.  In the past, I wasn’t interested in anything other than what he could do for me sexually. Now, as I recently hopped over the threshold into my thirties, and am in a better place mentally and emotionally, I know what I want in a partner. Not to say that I didn’t realize this in the beginning, just that I didn’t have the vision of what I wanted in my earlier dating life. 

In the book, Anderson explained curiosities as you being a love scientist, someone who was un-tethered to your person of interest, not in a rude way, but in a “don’t force anything, just see what you like and dislike about the person.” If you don’t end up together, then at least you now know what you don’t like and what you did like. Something clicked after I read that book, I felt the weight of dating anxiety fall off of me.

I experienced my first curiosity in late 2022. It was short lived but it was different— I was shocked that my first thought wasn’t about anything sexual, it was about how much I liked his character and how he carried himself. It was also one of my first looks into actually experiencing a Divine masculine energy, and ladies and gents, it’s really really nice. I definitely learned from that experience and that solidified what I want to experience in a real relationship with someone.

I say all this to say that try not to let the rose colored glasses take over. Be fearless and actually get to know the person you’re curious about— push past the physical attraction and get deeper…mentally. Get to know them and if there’s something that’s a non-negotiable, then kindly step away. It wasn’t a failure if you learned from the experience, put that into your toolbox and requirements and keep it moving. Happy dating!